A Flash In The Pan

Hello. Have you met my son? His name is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Weekend.

From Monday through Friday, you will never meet a nicer kid. He transitions from one activity to the next in a blink of his big baby blues. He laughs, he plays, he says the cutest things. We get a little grief when it comes to getting him dressed. (No s-irt! No pant! Mine! Mine! OW! OOOOWWWW!) (I assure you we are gentle and his clothes don't hurt. This is pure toddler drama.) But other than that, no problems at all from our smiley, active little boy.


Then comes the weekend.

He asks for things he knows he can't have then throws Code Red tantrums. If we try to distract him, sometimes it works, sometimes he gets angrier. Same goes for ignoring him and walking away. Toys are thrown. Tiny fists are furled. It takes two of us to get on one sock, then he pulls it off. He's demanding, agitated, prickly.

We figured there are a few reasons behind this behavior.

1. During the week, he has a pretty structured routine. While the weekend isn't excessively different, it's different enough to throw him off the beam.

2. During the week he's usually just with one of us, usually Fred. So he gets the undivided attention of one parent. But when both of us are around, he has to share attention with the other parent. And a 2-year-old and sharing? Not a winning combo.

3. He's TWO. It's what they do.

When I was pregnant my friend Shelly told me to get used to saying, "it's just a phase." So here we are. I'm sure with time and maturity he'll outgrow it and we'll find the right combination of giving him attention/ignoring bad behavior. And if that doesn't work, there's always my favorite parenting tool, Skittles.

There's also this Pan Baked Lemon Almond Tart recipe from Mark Bittman. Lemony sweet, billowy with a light crunch, its loveliness helps dull the piercing whines of 2-year-old who isn't allowed to pour his milk over our laptop.

Yes, it's that easy. Unlike parenting.

If you're looking for an Atkins friendly treat, here you go. Though I don't think I'd like it for anything other than a breakfast pastry. It's quite eggy, for one. And it doesn't hold it shape very well, which is fine first thing in the morning, but I want my deserts to work a little harder.

Pull yourself together, man! (OK, I should've let it cool longer. Still!)

Speaking of work, there is very little to do here. The most strenuous part for me was pulling my mini Cuisinart down from the cupboard to grind the almonds. Other than that, this is eyes-closed, one-arm-behind-the-back easy.

Ta-da!

It goes great with a black, roasty coffee cut with a splash of milk. It was the only thing on our dish, but a nice sage sausage or perhaps some glazed bacon would've rounded out the meal nicely.

Best of all, it's quick. So you can enjoy a warm, filling breakfast before rushing your little one outside, where distractions keep eruptions at bay. At least until nap time.

Mark Bittman's Pan-Baked Lemon-Almond Tart
The New York Times, October 7, 2009

4 eggs

1/2 cup sugar

Pinch of salt

1/2 cup ground almonds

1/2 cup cream

1/2 cup sliced almonds, more for garnish

1 lemon, zest and juice

2 tablespoons butter

Powdered sugar, for garnish.

1. Heat oven to 400 degrees. In a bowl, combine eggs, sugar, salt, ground almonds, cream, sliced almonds, lemon zest and juice.

2. Melt butter in an 8-inch ovenproof skillet over low heat; when foam has subsided, add almond mixture to pan, tilting pan to distribute batter evenly. Continue to cook tart on stovetop until edges just begin to set, then put pan in oven and finish cooking, about 10 to 15 minutes more.

3. When tart is done, put it in broiler for about a minute or until just golden on top. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and sliced almonds. Serve.

Yield: 4 servings.

Served Up With A Side Of Ignorance

I wanted to do something cute with the title of this post and entwine it with the name of my featured recipe, an Asian noodle dish. I took the name of the recipe into Yeweng, my coworker who's from Malaysia by way of China. Here's our conversation:

ME: Do you speak Chinese?

YEWENG: Yes!

ME: (showing him the recipe) Can you tell me which of these words means spicy?

YEWENG: Um, that's Thai.

Hurrah! I'm an Asian bigot! It's called living the dream, folks.

Luckily Yeweng was a good sport about my blunder. Now I just need to cross my fingers in hope that the Park Slope Food Coop doesn't get wind of this and revoke my membership.

So. The dish. It came to me via CHOW and it's called Pad Kee Mao, also known as Drunken Noodles or Spicy Ground Chicken with Noodles. It's touted as a great weeknight dinner because it's quick. OK, I'm gonna pull the breaks on this one.

While most Asian stir fry dishes are quick when it comes to actually cooking them, the amount of chopping takes a lot of time for those of us with homecooking knife skills. In fact, a lot of "30 minute meals" work under the assumption that I have loads of diced onions, minced garlic, and julienned carrots just sitting around, waiting to be doused with homemade chicken broth. It's annoying because the chopping adds at least 15 extra minutes, depending on the dish. It's worth it and all but QUIT TRYING TO FOOL ME. I may be Asian insensitive but I know how long it takes me to thinly slice a shallot.

Ok. Calm down. Let's talk about this dish. DELICIOUS! There are so many layers of flavor, from sour lime juice and salty fish sauce to juicy meat and vivid red peppers. I had to sub ground turkey for the chicken which didn't make a difference. Leaving out the spicy jalapenos, however, did make a difference. This dish had a pull of sweetness that would've gone beautifully against some heat.

I left off the hot 'n spicy because I wanted Walt to try it, thinking he'd love the noodles. But see, the noodles had MEAT touching them and my son only eats meat in the most over-processed form of hot dog. My mistake for trying to serve him Food Coop organic grain-fed chicken that practiced Tantric sex while fighting the oppressive government of a small South American country. Next time I'll spray it with nitrates and cigarettes to make it more to his liking.

Ah, kids. You can't make them eat what they don't like, but you can continue to put new foods in front of them and end up eating two dinners. In that case I hope your dinner is this yummy Not Chinese dish of Pad Kee Mao.

Pad Kee Mao
from CHOW

INGREDIENTS

• 1 (14-ounce) package wide rice noodles
• 1/4 cup oyster sauce
• 1/4 cup fish sauce
  
• 1/4 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (from about 2 limes)
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 medium shallots, peeled and thinly sliced
• 3 medium garlic cloves, peeled and coarsely chopped
• 1 pound ground chicken
• 2 medium red peppers, thinly sliced
• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 medium jalapeno peppers thinly sliced
• 1 cup loosely packed Thai basil leaves
• NOTE: I used regular basil
  

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Place noodles in a large bowl and cover with boiling water. Soak for about 15 minutes, until loose and pliable but not soft; drain. Combine oyster and fish sauce and lime juice in a medium bowl, mix well, and set aside.
2. Heat oil in a large (12-inch) frying pan over medium-high heat. Once heated, add shallots and garlic and cook for 2 minutes or until softened but not brown. Add ground chicken and break into small pieces. Cook until chicken is white and almost cooked through, about 3 minutes. Add bell peppers and stir-fry just until they begin to soften, about 5 minutes.
3. Push chicken mixture to one side of the pan and add eggs to the center. Scramble with a spatula until eggs are set and don’t run, about 1 minute. Push eggs to the side and add reserved sauce ingredients. Once the sauce is boiling, add the drained noodles and toss to coat. Remove from heat, add jalapeños and basil and toss to combine; serve immediately.

The Pot Roast With The Most

Co-dependent herbs

The Barefoot Contessa has yet to let me down.

If the woman told me to add a stick of butter to a salad, I wouldn't hesitate. If she told me to do the Chicken Dance before putting a bird in the oven, I'd start jiving. I'd even use Miracle Whip if she asked, despite the fact that this condiment is a spit in the face to my beloved mayonnaise.

Fortunately, she doesn't ask any of those things. But she did does suggest that I add a ridiculous amount of chopped vegetables to pot roast for her Company Pot Roast recipe.

It doesn't look like much now, but I had a sore wrist and a mound of chopping to do.

Then she had me throw in a 28 oz. can of tomatoes on top of that. An entire can, juices and all! Followed by chicken stock, yes, CHICKEN stock. In a beef dish. Weird. But I did it.

Just when you think nothing will fit, you add more vegetables. But they do cook down.

Then you throw in a 4 lb chuck roast after all that. Somehow it all fits. Later, after hours and hours in a low oven, she had me puree these vegetables with some butter (YAY!) and flour.

The pot roast pre-puree. After puree it looks like a chunky tomato soup and well, it kinda is one. It's heaven over pot roast and mashed potatoes.

The result is that this is the best pot roast gravy I ever had. To die for and easy enough to do with an immersion blender. My only mistake was that the roast ended up in the oven about an hour longer than it needed. It was a tad on the dry side. Just a bit, though.

Now all I need is a butter drenched salad as a side dish.

Here's the recipe, courtesy of The Food Network

Happiest Of Happiest

Today is my birthday! I love my birthday. Getting older isn't always fun but hell, it's inevitable so I might as well get a cupcake out of it, no? Plus I get presents and special meals and lots of posts on my Facebook profile. Then I get to write posts like this on my blog and fish for even more birthday wishes. I am shameless.

My food today is as follows: Yeweng is taking me to lunch at one of my favorite places on the planet:

The Oyster Bar lunch counter, Grand Central Station, NYC

And tonight, Fred and I will try out our fork-skills at Brooklyn favorite A Di La. Can't wait!

Dinner Guest File 10-11-09

NAMES:
Amanda and Pete

OCCUPATIONS:
We'd tell you, but we'd have to kill you

LAST SEEN:
3 1/2 years ago at the Stesney dinner table

NEXT APPEARANCE
This Sunday at the Stesney dinner table.

SERVING
Probably The Barefoot Contessa's Company Pot Roast, but I'm not 100%. Any other good dinner party suggestions?

How To Stop Feeling Crappy

Oh honey, I know. I've been there. There is something wrong. You're a little sad and discontent. People are being assholes without even trying. This is normally par for the course, but really? Can't they stop assholing around for just one sweet minute? And there's not enough money. Or attention. And where the hell are the accolades? When you were having (pre-Bobby) Whitney Houston dreams in your puffy bedroom, this was not what you imagined. "What happened?", you think, "How did I end up this way?"

This is not the time for The Secret. Please, please, step away from the Oprah. She is your friend, just not now. The Artists Way is a nice idea but it's not what's needed. It's time to stop thinking about your life and get the hell out of your head. During my own personal journey with this brand of self-centered angst, I've found the things to do are pen out a gratitude list. If that makes you want to puke, then forget it because there's even a better thing to do. A quick, easy and effective way to get out of your personal crapfest is to help someone else.


It's corny, yes. They make pocket books out of this sort of belief. There is certainly some version of this sentiment on a Precious Moments statuette laying around a Hallmark store. But like any cliche or stereotype, it's around because it's true. Take it from me, an emotional Italian. So why not throw a little money at someone who needs it? Or buy a Venti for the guy standing behind you in line? Or volunteer to read or tutor or hold a lonely cat? It helps. Trust me.

Everyone has her charity soft spot. For my BFF Sarah it's animals, especially cats. Tell her a cat needs money and she'll whip out her wallet with the speed of a Real Housewife throwing yet another party for herself. I get someone loving cats, but with Sarah it was a little harder for me to understand because of her cat Maxine. Girl was one cold cat-bitch. You know the type. The "Don't Touch Me You Insipid Human" type. In all fairness Max did snuggle up with me one time, but I was missing some jewelry afterward.

An ex of mine sympathized a lot with the elderly. Probably because he's going to die alone and lonely with cold piles of money giving him no comfort. What, me bitter? Yes.

My charity soft spot is kids. It always has been, even before I had Walt. Even so, I'll admit that being a mom has intensified the heartwrench factor of kids in need for me. For the past 2 years I've watched a little human grow and develop. His complete trust and dependence on me drives home how much kids need adults to help them along. They also need money. And school supplies.

This is why I'm asking...can you please give some money to help poor NYC kids buy some school stuff? We're talking about kids who get free lunch. You know if their parents can't afford lunch, then the chances of them showing up with notebooks and pens are unlikely. Even $20 will help them buy some stuff. That's less than the co-pay for Paxil!

Eliza describes it better than I, so please check out her post, Dream Maker, Wish Granter and make a contribution.

If you don't feel better afterward, try a little Tom Kha Gai soup with a chunk of sticky rice thrown in. If that doesn't help, I've got nothin'.

Forgive My Immodesty

I'm quick to self-deprecate. Mainly because it's funny, but it's also a good way for me to not take my flaws so seriously. It's rare when I'll say I'm proud of myself, or brag on my blog about anything I do. Even when I make a good meal, I feel more comfortable giving credit to the ingredients and the authors of the recipes rather than my mad skillz because honestly, my skillz are modest.

But today I'm making an exception. Because I've been doing this sketch writing thing all month, and it's been really tough. I haven't been as inspired or impressed by my work. I haven't been really proud of my dialogue. But gosh darnnit, I kept writing. I ignored the DARK FORCE OF CREATIVIY that tells me I suck, I should give up, and what's the use. And I wrote and wrote and wrote anyway.

So far I have written 27 brilliant, awful, inspired, tired, dreadful, wonderful, hilarious and hilariously horrible sketches.

A big THANKS to Michelle for dreaming and organizing this whole shebang.

Only 3 more to go. Wheeeee!