I have done things in my life. You know, things. Weird things, bad things, immoral things. Things that make me feel so ashamed I think about them and cringe. And all in one little room in my apartment. The kitchen.
Experience has taught me that admitting my wrongs to another human being can be liberating, educational and even spiritual. So I figured, why not confess them to all of you who read my blog? Maybe it will take some of the pressure off the next time I take the sponge we use to clean our dishes and mop the kitchen floor with it. Okay, there's one.
Here are some more. I have:
-Licked the spoon and stuck it back into the cake batter
-Used wilted, mucky basil in a pesto
-Frosted over the burnt cupcakes and then made sure I got one of the good ones
-Cut the mold off the cheese and served it
-Handled poultry and pork and didn't wash my hands before handling the vegetables
-Pulled cat hair from finished dishes
-Drank from the milk, juice and water containers
-Eaten all of the M&Ms that were potty training bribes
-Dropped it and plopped it back on the plate
And here are some kid ones. I have:
-Served a separate meal to my kid at our family dinner (one of those I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DO's) because I just wanted to eat my Pecan Crusted Trout in whine-free peace and Amy's microwaved mac 'n cheese isn't all that bad for him.
-Polished off the remaining mac n' cheese and told Walt he ate it all. Yeah, you totally did! All of it. Don't you remember, kid?
-Bought Dora the Explorer yogurt, Sponge Bob ice cream and Spider Man "fruit" snacks. (Day-glo colored snacks being another thing I used to be all judgey about before I had my own kid. )
-Only made my own baby food like, once.
-Let Walt eat peas off the dirty floor because hey, it's a vegetable.
From all of this you can conclude that:
1. You may want to carefully consider a dinner invite from me.
2. At times I will throw away any regard for nutrition or healthy eating in order to STOP THE WHINING
3. I am human.
Okay lovlies. Fess up. What have you done?
Have a great weekend, all!
12 comments:
Okay, I don't have kids or a cat, so I haven't done any of those, but I have done EVERY SINGLE one of your other confessions. Yay for being imperfect!
Dirt is good for the kid. He is going to put it in his mouth all by himself.
LMAO. Guilty as charged. On all counts. BEST POST I will read all month.
And in case you don't already know this. I truly love you, Anne. Move to CA please. I'll make you pie. We can be rule breakers and BFF.
I haven't done the cat thing (but if you change it to dog hair, guilty!), but have totally done all the others. Zeke is such a picky eater that if I didn't make him separate food, it would be a fight every night, and I just don't have the energy for it.
Yay for being imperfect indeed, Jackie!
I agree 100%, Werner. I can't believe how many parents are afraid of something kids eat anyway.
Oh Amy, you made my day! And it's like we're already BFF because you know the promise of pie will have me putting our Brooklyn apt on the market ASAP.
That's just it, Wendy. Sometimes I just don't want the fight. It's much easier to punch a few buttons on the microwave and eat peacefully.
I feel like you are channeling Chunk from Goonies with your confession list! But, I will say this...cutting the mold off cheese and serving it is COMPLETELY acceptable. Trust me...I know cheese.
Ladies and gents you read it here...the CHEESEMONGERS WIFE said it's okay to cut mold off cheese. The CHEESE. MONGERS. WIFE. Thanks, lady!
Honey, I have done all of that! Are you hiding in my kitchen?
You're mantra is "no guilt, no guilt, no guilt) followed by a couple glasses of wine. Always worked for me.
Here's one you can add: Came home from grocery shopping with an 18 month old. Turned my back for ONE SECOND and she had the spaghetti out of the package and all over the floor. Oh yes, I most certainly did pick every bit of it up and put it in the storage container. No one was wiser. It was dry pasta - I was gonna wash it off?
I'll accept a dinner invite. I think I'm impervious to poisoning.
Love your blog. Can't say it enough.
When meat starts to smell bad, if you cut off all the visible fat, and rinse it under hot water for a while, the smell goes away. That and some spices, just like the Renaissance, and nobody's the wiser. Don't ask me how I know this . . .
Love it. I think everyone must have a list similar to this although I'm not sure how many would admit it which is why your blog is the best! I'm all about letting the kids eat food that's fallen on the floor. We don't wear shoes in our apartment, so I figure it can't be that bad. And I'm with you on doing lots of things I said I'd never do to stop the whining!
Just to put this in perspective...I read your lists and thought, "this is breaking the rules? Holy carp, I've been breaking the rules without even KNOWING the rules. I'm worse off than I ever knew!" OK, maybe it wasn't all that bad, but I've done everything on your list. Probably at least twice. In fact, just last night I let my toddler skip her lo mein to watch a (gasp!) cartoon. I figure it's nothing she can't work out on the therapist's couch down the road.
You are so funny. I've done everything on your list and my kids have made it to 15 and 9 without injury. Well, except the cheese thing, but fuzzy cheese just freaks me out.
I have many more sins to add to your list, but I don't want to take over your blog, so I'll leave it there.
Post a Comment